You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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