craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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