I just pynch a tree in the face
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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