im six kinds of drunk right now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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