At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
