i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
