My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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