all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
