I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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