Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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