I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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