at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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