True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
