just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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