I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
