that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
