ugly people sure do ruin things
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
