Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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