the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
