absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
