all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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