he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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