just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
