why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
