i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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