You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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