Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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