then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
