He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
