i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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