The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
