I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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