i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
