dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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