Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
