My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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