did you get engaged???
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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