just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
