I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
