I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
