I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
