apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
