dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
