i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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