if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
