Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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