Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
