I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize