i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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