I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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