i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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