There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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