Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
