apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
