A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
