If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
