I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
