i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
