well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
