Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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If I die, sorry about rent.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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