Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
