Yo dont text me then not text me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
