Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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