I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
