I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
