Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
