and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
