apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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