so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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