____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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