before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
