Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
