So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
