remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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