Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
