He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
