Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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