Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
