Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
