I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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