Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
