just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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